What are the qualities that attract us to those we date? This question can be debated without ever reaching a conclusive answer, but to some people, the answer is actually quite simple. While to some, looks alone determine a potential partner, for others, attractiveness is measured by ones ethnicity. I am speaking of those specifically interested in dating Asian people, men who choose to date a woman based only on her racial background. These types of men can usually forgo any character flaw they may not normally tolerate in a relationship with a non Asian woman. So what makes an Asian woman more attractive than any other woman for these men?

I have heard the phrase numerous times, “I’ve done the Asian thing before,” or “I’ve always liked Asian girls.” As if it’s some form of validation for pursuing me, I have become a novelty similar to action movies or race cars. I am a certain “type” of girl and sometimes I wonder if I am pursued for my personal qualities or for my nationality. Although I admit that my personal attributes do include being Asian, it is sometimes frustrating to be labeled and pursued for this characteristic alone. I can assume that at least some of the time I am liked for who I am besides my Asian background, but it is hard to know when I am not. I want to break down the stereotypes of what an Asian girl is and show that Asian girls are many diverse and beautiful things.

My experiences with Asian fetishism began years ago, but to my naïve mind, the experiences, at first, never really affected me. I can remember the first time a man told me he liked Asian women, and I instinctively knew it was for certain sexual reasons. That was the first time a Caucasian man told me his experiences with Asian women had been good because he believed they were “good in bed.” I was eighteen at the time, and I was currently in a relationship with a Caucasian man who had told me he liked Asian girls. I have since dated other Caucasian men who have told me similar things, although none of them seemed to be offensive at the time. It was not until fairly recently that I realized some Caucasian men pursue Asian women because of certain stereotypes portrayed by the media. I just recently began to view these small passing comments from past boyfriends as troubling because of the inherent implications of a derogatory nature. When I had a part time job as a hostess my co-workers playfully labeled me as “Lucy Liu” because of my Asian heritage, when in reality the only thing Lucy Liu and I have in common is our American citizenship. Liu is one of the only prominent Asian American actresses and her small presence in the media warrants uniformed people to label all Asian American women as “Lucy Liu types.” I have literally just begun to examine what all these stereotypes mean for my life and for my image in society.

Every comment I have heard from a white male about my ethnicity has always derived from an ignorant view of what Asian women really are. I have been labeled and judged based on my Korean heritage by men who blindly adhere to deeply embedded social schemas of Asian women. I can say with certainty that I have been viewed as a Madame Butterfly or perhaps even as a Geisha Girl or a Dragon Lady. I have been told before that I am a beautiful Asian girl or that I am “sexy,” but I know it is with certain standards of ethnic preference that I am thought to be that way. I know other Asian women have felt threatened or offended by Asian fetishism but I am just now becoming familiar with such a phenomenon. One of my ex-boyfriends told me while we were together that he had always liked Asian girls, possibly because of his interest in foreign imports (cars). This statement since that time has become increasingly disturbing, not only because of its stereotypical implications of Asian fetishism, but also because of stereotypes of Asian cars and a certain “import lifestyle.” I have heard men chuckle when they joke about Asian women being “good imports” and I now cringe every time I hear a statement like that. This socially and historically created fetish will continue to affect my life, possibly on an everyday basis, and I have to accept the fact that I am sometimes pursued for my ethnicity alone. But what I can do to avoid being a victim of Asian fetishism is to prove to my future pursuers that I refuse to be pigeonholed as a Dragon Lady, Geisha Girl, or Madame Butterfly.

When I act to break down stereotypes of Asian women and refuse to date men who actively seek a woman based on her ethnicity, I can begin to show those types of men that Asian women are everything they expected them not to be. I am proud of the fact that I am Asian, but frustrated by the fact that I must overcome these stereotypes that always typecast me into these roles perpetuated by American media. I am unlike every other Asian American woman out there and we are all as complex and unique as every Caucasian woman. The next time I hear the phrase “I like Asian girls,” I may think twice about dating that man. I am more than just an Asian girl.

Breanne is a Halfway Contributor

This entry was posted on Friday, July 1st, 2005 at 12:48 pm. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.